Women and Sports
By: Steven Neville
Cheerleading? Let’s just make it anything involving women.
Close your eyes and imagine a woman, a very simple request. Just imagine anything, about a woman, any situation you can think of that involves a woman. Keep thinking… Ok, now open your eyes. She was naked wasn’t she? Either that or she was naked and cooking you a delicious meal, right? Because honestly, what else are women good for? Oh wait, I forgot, they also excel at taking men’s money. Which is exactly why men had to go and state the obvious; and declare cheerleading not a sport.
I will grant women this: they have vaginas. Now, women, admit that you suck at sports and that everything you do in the athletic field is a sham, due to the fact that we can’t just be honest with ourselves and admit that no one wants to watch you suck at sports. And you can get pissed at me, but at least someone is being honest. I mean, people talk, but money speaks louder, and it screams that no one wants to watch women do anything other than strip. And you can cry to Ellen or Oprah about it all you want, but I got facts, and just like a woman, you have nothing but pure unabated emotion to argue with.
I would allocate this paragraph for the WNBA. But if you believe that it is a viable commodity, and not a blood-sucking parasite of the NBA that is destroying smaller market teams that can’t afford to support crappy basketball played in between pregnancies, then there is no point in even reading the rest of this. But for the rest of us, let me inundate your brains with a few cold-hard facts for a second. Soak this one up with a maxi pad, ladies: The whole reason cheerleading had to be declared not a sport was because of women’s sports in the first place. Yes, there is a little rule that was implemented in college athletics that requires profitable men’s athletic teams to give their profits to women’s teams that are consistently losing money. The rule, called Title IX, was draining the last remaining cash from a small Texas school, which was then left with no choice but to do what they should have always done, declare cheerleading not a sport. And because of this, cheerleading did not have to receive any profits from men’s sports, and now women’s lacrosse, or sewing, or some other dumb sport no one attended, is able to survive.
You are welcome, ladies, now make me a sandwich.
But let’s reflect on that last paragraph for a second. Women are acting like someone took away the credit card because of a law that was created to save women’s sports. You women, left us men, with no choice but to pick between losing commodities and consolidate how much money you can take from us. (Pay attention collegiate women, you will have to figure this out someday when your husband divorces you for someone younger.) And if you want cheerleading to be a sport again, women, you will have to be willing to sacrifice lacrosse, or swimming, or something like that in return. It’s like picking between the guy with the money and the small dick, or the alcoholic with the monster dong, can’t have both. In my opinion, just be happy that you can go run around a track to the delight of friends and family. All the while taking away new benches from a sport that people actually go to. Us men will just smile, knowing someday you will realize that there is no basketball court between the bedroom and the kitchen.
