If you haven’t caught ESPN or your sports section recently, Cleveland Browns wide receiver Donte’ Stallworth was 
recently charged with DUI manslaughter.
Prior to any plea bargain, or financial settlement out of court Donte’ Stallworth was facing up to 15 years in prison. But c’mon… hes a professional football player, that’s much too harsh for someone better than the rest of us. Hes also 28, so hes got another good decade of playing in him and we cant have someone with NFL talent rotting in jail… I mean all he did was kill a human being, its not like he pitted dogs against each other for fighting. Cause everyone knows that’s automatic jail time, poor animals…
The cops say Stallworths blood alcohol content was at .126, which is any good Friday night for yours truly. So hey, he drank a little too much and wanted to get his car home and woopsy, ran over a 59 year old guy. It happens to the best of us… Donte’ left to go to one of his nearby homes (he owns three properties in the Miami area) in his Bentley. So actually he is better than us, because a normal person would have been trying to get their 92′ blazer home from the bar to our studio apartment.
Before this night of debauchery Stally.. that’s my nickname for him… signed a seven-year, $35 million contract with the Browns before last season and now is facing this inconvenient situation. I mean who wants to deal with some DUI manslaughter of a 59 year old guy who was rushing to catch a bus after finishing his shift around 7:15 a.m!? Prosecutors say Stally flashed his lights at the guy, so what else is he going to do… Stop politely? I don’t think so! Prosecutors also say the guy wasn’t even in a crosswalk. The NFL has said it will review “the matter” for possible disciplinary action after the legal case is completed.
So now today we have come to the end of the proceedings and a plea bargain has been set up. The plea deal announced today calls for Stallworth to serve 30 days in prison, 10 years’ probation, and 1,000 community service hours… for killing a pedestrian he hit with his car… Wow? 30 days? Isnt that a little harsh? I mean the guy is a professional athlete, O.J. didn’t even get community service… 30 days!? Preposterous.
The plea deal also involved a confidential financial settlement with the Reyes’ family which will avoid a potential wrongful death lawsuit from the family of 59-year-old Mario Reyes.
So with the courts stern, and quite harsh judgment on Stally it looks like he may miss some of training camp for the upcoming season, but thank god none of the season itself. If we all learn anything today its that celebrities and professional athletes are better than all of us, and deserve treatment different from the rest of civilization.