Who would you rather have save the world?

Will Smith or Wesley Snipes.

Will Smith,

Positives – has saved the world from aliens, super powered women, more Aliens, and even Kevin James.  He’s certainly got the chops to fly space craft not from this planet.

Negatives – Unclear on his ability with biological warfare, and we haven’t seen him combat REAL threats, just super human.

Wesley Snipes,

Positives – Has battled vampires on 3 separate occasions, gone to the future as a bad guy to kill Stallone, and knows how to hide his money, kind of.

Negatives – He’s actually in jail right now, so for him to save the world we would have to have Obama give him a full pardon, and I’m not ok with lighter sentences for criminals.

Who would you rather have driving your get-away-car?

Jason Statham or Paul Walker

Jason Statham,

Positives – Was the coolest fucking driver EVER, in the Transporter series, not to mention he basically drives like a bad ass in every movie he has been in.

Negatives – He’s British… I think? So he’s not used to driving on the right side of the road, could become confusing when you and him are trying to get away, and he can’t figure out if he should turn left or right. Not to mention he was in Pink Panther.

Paul Walker,

Positives – Besides being dreamy?? He has been in 3 of the 4 Fast and Furious movies so he knows how to handle a stick… (Hah). He’s also gone into the past to fight medieval knights.

Negatives – Has only driven rice rocket cars, he doesn’t know anything about the good old American Steel. Not to mention, most of the cars he’s driven have been modified beyond belief, do you think he can drive just a simple Ford Windstar?

Who would you rather have as your company’s CEO?

Michael Douglas or Alec Baldwin?

Michael Douglas,

Positives – Was basically the baddest Wall Street trader ever, which has to carry some clout in the world of business. He’s also been the President of the United States, if you can run the free world, you should be able to manager a CEO position…

Negatives – Married to Catherine Zeta Jones-Douglas, now I don’t know Ms. Jones-Douglas, but she seems like she requires A LOT of attention, thus she may take up more time than is ok with me.

Alec Baldwin,

Positives – Lets be honest Baldwin has been some of the best CEO’s out there.  From running a fake TV show on 30 Rock, to being Secretary of State. Baldwin has the skills for sure.

Negatives – Baldwin actually did run a company in “Fun with Dick and Jane”… he ran it right into the ground, so maybe that’s a sign that he’s not as business savvy as he leads on. Not to mention he was in that horrible movie “Pluto Nash” and for that he should be thrown out altogether.

Who would you rather have as your Pimp?

Samuel L Jackson or Snoop Dog?

Sam Jackson,

Positives – It’s mother fucking Sam Jackson Mother fucker.  He keeps his pimp hand strong every god damn mother fucking day. He likes to curse a lot as well, which always scares us white guys.

Negatives – Sometimes has a good guy streak in him, one second he’s yelling at you and giving you a motivational talk, the next second he’s unloading a full clip on you and being eatin by a mother fuckin shark.

Snoop Dog,

Positives – Snoop has been in the game since he was a little guy in diapers. Snoop has been hustling people since he could talk, he was also Huggy Bear, and that’s pretty bad ass.

Negatives – Maybe I’m wrong but Snoop seems like he’s not always motivated.  Maybe it’s all the weed he smokes, or his droopy red eyes? Either way, I just don’t know if I’d be able to count on him to back me up in case my “John” gets out of hand.

Who would you rather have serve you coffee?

Ryan Seacrest or Sean Hannity?

Ryan Seacrest,

Positives – Seacrest has got the stamina to pull an all nighter as seen on Dick Clarks “rocking New Years Eve” show which is great, because in the coffee business you work some fucked up hours.

Negatives – Sadly Seacrest has been in the spotlight his whole life which means he probably hasn’t learned any REAL life skills.  It doesn’t take much to make an espresso, but you do need to get your hands dirty, and that my friends I don’t think seacrest can do.

Sean Hannity,

Positives – Unlike Seacrest, Hannity hasn’t always been a conservative hack, I would imagine that growing up he must have had some sort of normal guy job… hopefully.

Negative – His head is huge, I don’t physically think it would be possible to have him enter any building that isn’t specially modified with doors able to accommodate his giant ego.

Alright everyone, I hope I gave you some stuff to debate and think about, have at it, and let me know who you choose and why!!

I don’t need to pay 10 dollars and sit with an abundance of douche bags in a theatre to see this shit.  I’m not calling everyone that saw this movie a huge piece of shit, just the majority. HA.. because the unintentional humor really is pretty damn funny… excruciating, and teeth cringing but funny.  Such as the piece of dialogue with Paul Walker stating “This is where my jurisdiction ends…” to get hit with the early 80’s style Schwarzenegger quip “And, this is where mine begins” from Vin Diesel.  The attempt at clever dialogue falls short… fat guy jumping the grand canyon on a tricycle short.  But much like a fat guy trying to jump the grand canyon, Vin Diesel attempting witty dialogue just isn’t going to be successful… its gonna be hilarious.

Outside of hot chicks and top shelf cars, this movie has nothing.  NOTHING.  Recycling bullshit that was made into a movie 8 years ago to make a movie now is the basic Hollywood circle jerk.  This is the anti-christ of filmmaking.  Unoriginal, bullshit writing, with shitty acting, appeasing retards with PG-13 women action just enough to get some customers, but not going to rated R with actual tits which would lessen the take home pay.  Tease people who like cars with automobile porn, and give the slight bit of nostalgia of an 8 year old movie and there ya go, 70 million bucks in the first weekend.

Any fuckhead who appreciates this as a film, or anything but a guilty pleasure equal to a private S & M session makes me sick.  Yea, that’s right. SICK.  I understand the occasional escape from reality in a movie but it doesn’t excuse shit so unrealistic and poorly acted that its laughable..

I’m gonna stop reaming the hell out of this movie, because in the end I’m the tool getting Fast and Furious more attention by writing a review online.  In the end the slimy bastard producers that put all this bullshit together made 70 million in one weekend.  In all honesty, if I could make a shitload of money and be a sellout like the guys who made this flick  I would… but until that happens, fuck this movie.