By:Steve Neville

Facebook Etiquette: A standard that is comprised by rules in Social Media that invariably determines your status as a douchebag or not.

Everything I am about to write is neither opinion nor conjecture. It is a fact.  There does exist a website as to which 25% of the world’s traffic flows through. It is the most popular website in the world, and it does  require compliance with an unwritten set of rules in order to successfully navigate it.

The site: Facebook.
The rules: Facebook Etiquette.
And below are the four most popular ways to turn a great way to connect with friends into an amazing way to acquire black eyes.

First Rule: Remember, no one cares about your baby except you!

OMG? No way? At three months into your pregnancy your baby is developing tiny hands and feet? Wait, what? Your baby just, no way, cried and kept you up all night? Your baby has the cutest smile and the most adorable ways of being funny? That’s just TOO precious!

Well, just so we are clear. It’s a baby, right? And it’s doing well? So the natural stages of prenatal development, and its subsequent actions after birth are the same as the 400 babies born per second, yes? So this is probably is not interesting to anyone except you, correct? Ok, just making sure.

Second Rule:  Dear non-living entity

This is my biggest pet peeve on “the book.” The letters written into statuses that are addressed to non-living entities that could never respond, ex. “Dear Weather, you are cold and I am so over you.”  Awesome, it is cold, but why did you write that to the weather as if it could respond in your status: “Dear User, so totally right but this cold front has my patterns by the balls. FML.” Get over yourself. Everyone knows its cold, think of something else to say that doesn’t require a pretentious and clichéd way to seem original. Or just stick to the classic, “At the store, man it is cold outside,” and I am pretty sure people will still get the point that you are a pussy.

Third Rule: Spam/Linkage person

You know this person. It’s your friend that finally got a job for the first time in their life, so now everything is “Stop in for three dollar drink specials at the shitty bar I work at tonight!” or “15-Ways to increase your stock portfolio by mid-November.” Or, “Is your business operating like my business? Because it should be and here’s why!” I know a guy, Tim Moneybell, who is the epitome of linkage guy and about to be defriended due to his douchebaggery. But I won’t name names…

…wait.

Fourth Rule: Vague status person

Common signs of VSP are seen in statuses such as: “FML,” or “Not again,” or “Ok, I am seriously over this.” And you know what they want, too. You to respond with “Oh No! What’s wrong?” And it is always something ridiculously stupid as well, like “I have been stuck in traffic for an hour!” Or “I just texted Brad about pizza night, but he wasn’t suppose to know. Woops, lol.” Not once have I ever seen a conversation like this:

USER: “FML.”

USER2: “What’s wrong?”

USER: “I just found out I have A.I.D.S. and my mom was mugged by a Mexican walking to the store.”

USER2: “OMG?!? Are you okay?”

USER: “No, I am seriously considering checking myself in for professional psychiatric help.”

USER2: “Call me and I can drive you there, you need all the support you can get right now!”

No, they go like this.

USER: “FML.”

USER: “How did this happen?”

USER: “I can’t believe this happened…”

USER2: “What’s wrong?”

USER: “Angry Birds keeps switching off again and again.”

So, there you have it. Of course, there reside other rules. Like keep statuses to a 3-per-day minimum, don’t post baby photos (See: Rule 1) and many others. But if you stick to avoiding these four, you should be able to keep a good profile on Social Media and stalk that hot girl from class without her ever knowing your existence.

This article isn’t simply out of the blue, but because I keep hearing about so many different instances where a girl gets harassed to the point of killing herself because of her ‘girlfriends’ harassing them to the point of death.  I mean, Jesus Christ ladies.. are so many of you so insecure that ripping on another chick because shes different makes you feel better?

I read an interview with Kelly Valen and her book, and she explained that “88% of these women told me there’s a darkness lurking beneath all the good stuff, an undercurrent of aggression, competition, and negativity”.  Us guys are simple creatures, we don’t have any ulterior motives when we ask for food, beer or sex.. we just want food, beer or sex.  If we have an issue with another dude we go face them and either get into a fist fight or get it all out in the open then get over it.  These issues are also worth confrontation they aren’t just someone wearing the same outfit, or having a new goofy hairstyle.. I have seen women take something like that and run with it almost to the point of personal destruction upon another chick.  If one girl is hotter than normal, smarter, or has a better fashion sense they better be prepared for fucking war.  Hell even if one girl has done NOTHING, another chick might destroy her simply out of boredom or just simply because she can.

Ive gotten pretty hard on lady vs. lady relationships, and the fact is dudes can do pretty ugly shit too.  The fact is, we aren’t conniving and manipulative enough to purposefully set out to do it for trivial means.  We might want revenge for something done to us, or unintentionally lose control of our weener and have sex with multiple women while in a relationship. The fact is guys might hurt a woman from time to time, but women can scar your soul.  Women posses an ability that men don’t, a whole ambiguous language that we cant comprehend and when that gets turned on each other it can get pretty damn ugly.

I don’t know what my exact goal of this article is, but Ill tell you what its not.  Im not just releasing some deep seeded misogyny or bad mouthing chicks for the hell of it, im trying to figure out why women do the things they do.  To themselves, to other women, and to poor unsuspecting guys like myself.  Women can be a hundred times kinder than men, and a hundred times more evil than men and Id like to know how to keep myself with the kinder version.  Id also like to get some discussion on this… am I totally blowing smoke out of my ass?  Are women truly more capable of evil?  Are guys more evil?  I want to know.

Uhhh, I’ll take money…

But greedy, self preserving asses like myself have driven Mexico further and further down into fear and poverty with corruption and crime every where.  Mexico is like the worst case scenario post apocalyptic movies, with the corrupt running everything.  Governing officials have fled, residents hide, and even priests who are the leaders of the municipality are gone. Yet in the face of all this malicious crime… one lady is standing up.

Marisol Valles Garcia is a 20 year old married woman with a child who has accepted the position of police chief of the municipality of Praxedis G. Guerrero in Chihuahua, Mexico.  A 20 year old woman with a spouse, and child has taken a job in one of the most dangerous municipalities of Mexico. Not only is there a huge fear of death, but shes getting paid almost nothing, while disarmed and with no bodyguard.  This is something out of a kids hero movie..  In the face of death, in the most dangerous part of an already dangerous country she is taking on the role of police chief when shes not even legally eligible to drink alcohol in the U.S.  Im already this chicks biggest fan… something about standing up for good ideals, and fighting tyranny hits me right in the heart.  Maybe little kid hero nostalgia, maybe learning that there are still decent people out there, I really don’t know.  I just think this chick is bad ass.  Did I mention Jesus Manuel Holguin, one of the preceding chiefs of police was killed on May 1st, 2009. SHE IS BAD ASS.

This woman is driven by what she says is a huge effort to strengthen the family and the youth while promoting greater social development, as opposed to a full on assault which has been their strategy for years now.  Instead of attacking the crime that already exists she is going to the source and trying to help kids, and the up and coming population create a life for themselves to fight the ongoing corruption.

I salute this chick and hope she turns things around for her country because she is in the ultimate underdog/dangerous position imaginable.  I know its real life, but in a climate where most heroes are anti-heroes, or have massive flaws, or fall victim to some sort of corruption, I want to believe in this lady Marisol Valles Garcia.

So we’re one vote away from weed for everybody! Right!?

Nope.

Sorry potheads, even if the state proposition passes the federal government says ‘go F yourself’ (verbatim), your not getting what you want.  Attorney General Eric Holder, or General buzzkill has adamantly said despite any vote on state legalization they will still enforce federal laws.  Anyone who grows, distributes or sells marijuana will be in violation of general assface’s ‘federal laws’.

Attorney General Holder has even sent out letters to the DEA about prop 19.  Explaining this “Let me state clearly that the Department of Justice strongly opposes Proposition 19. If passed, this legislation will greatly complicate federal drug enforcement efforts to the detriment of our citizens.”  Why!?  Why should it complicate a damn thing you prick!?  State citizens have the ability to vote for their own well being and if they vote to legalize marijuana, then leave it the hell alone!!

The Attorney Generals explanation is that the federal Controlled Substances Act forbids the possession and sale of marijuana, so he will continue to uphold this obsolete and ridiculous Act to the detriment of voting citizens.  Yet I cant say this for sure because the vote hasn’t happened yet, this is hypothetical… If the proposition passes, I can guarantee you its not the beginning of legal pot…  Its only the beginning of a continuing legal battle between prop 19 backers and the federal government.

Im not a pot smoker, but I definitely support legalizing it.  Id legalize all drugs if I could..  It would literally remove 90 percent of profit making capabilities of the crime world.  There would still be gambling and hookers, but drugs easily beat out both.  If it was all legal, then more tests could be run as well and there would be no thrill of doing something ‘bad’.  Even if people still go bananas on crystal meth or heroin, they’ll be dead pretty quickly any way.  Also, being that we live in California if marijuana was legalized it would help generate tax revenue to get out of debt, and it would help with the insane corruption and killing just below the border in Mexico with its massive weed business.

What do you think?  Legalize weed? Yes? No?

This article has come about from the Rutgers student suicide after he had his gay encounter streamed online.  Now because of this, U.S. Senator Frank Lautenberg is proposing a new legislation against bullying.

Bullying every day in the same fashion for years on end is pretty ridiculous.  Eventually people move on, times change, and people aren’t kept around a bully forever.  In the rare case it does go on for a long time then the anti-bully law looks pretty good on paper.  But in reality… I could be charged with harassment and bullying for photoshopping my friends face into a gay photograph.  This… IS UNACCEPTABLE!

Couple people kill themselves because they cant handle bullying.. repeat,  A COUPLE..  Or we leave it how it is so I can continue giving friends shit, and ‘bullying’ them as they define it.  This kid didn’t kill himself because of bullying.. he committed suicide because a deep secret was broadcast on the internet.  This is fucked up, Im not going to lie and if they want to outlaw this kind of invasion of privacy, and enforce it on the kids that did it to him… Im all for it.  But Im completely against any ‘bullying/harassment’ law that can be abused by pussy ass people who cant handle being made fun of.  Sure it might hurt your feelings, so go away!  Political correctness and pansy ass people are going to pass a law hurting my freedom of speech.  I will not allow this…

Clementi’s suicide has created a large nation wide discussion about gays and bullying. Rutgers had its own event, organized by the university and the gay rights activist group Garden State Equality.  Do I think its ok that some kid had his gay encounter webcam taped and thrown on the web?  No.  I don’t.  Do I think its ok to create an anti-bullying law? NO, I don’t.  People get made fun of for their differences, they get mocked, and they get satirized.  It’s a check and balance to the world and creating a law against ‘bullying’ when it includes making fun of people is horseshit.  I want to make gay jokes, racial jokes, gender jokes, religious jokes etc… so where does it end!?  Is a religion going to try and pass a law on bullying people who openly believe their religion is Jedi!?  (which is true, there are Jedi churches and a belief structure)

Please for the love of god don’t let raw emotions of this suicide let you get manipulated… This law is bullshit, and if anything there is already a code of conduct and policing of harassment in schools and in workplaces, we don’t need a FEDERAL LAW!

Apparently in the 1940’s the U.S. performed experiments on oblivious Guatemalans giving them both syphilis and gonorrhea.  Wellesley College professor Susan Reverby discovered this upbeat piece of American history and her discovery explained how the project was sponsored by the U.S. Public Health Service, the NIH, the Pan American Health Organization and the Guatemalan government. Part of her discovery also explained how these experiments were done on male prisoners and female MENTAL HEALTH PATIENTS.

Dear god.  Just when you thought shock therapy and lobotomies were the worst thing we did to mental health patients back then..

On top of that, the people infected were encouraged to pass the disease on to the rest of the patients in order for everything to be studied.

Good lord, its amazing what comes to light half a century after the American government does something incredibly fucked up in collusion with corporate America.  But honestly, whos going to do shit about it now?  You just do something insanely cruel, cover it up, and keep it hidden for 50 years and meh, its not big deal.  Just like something else the government and corporate American did in 1954 to Guatemala.

With the go-ahead of then president Dwight D Eisenhower, the CIA got involved in the coup that overthrew President Jacobo Arbenz Guzman.  Why did America go in to help with a coup?  Because the president of Guatemala at that time introduced a land reform that would have put the United Fruit Company (a U.S. corporation) in jeopardy.  The United Fruit Company owned about half of the countrys land, the entire telephone system and the majority of railroads.  SOOOO, time to overthrow that bitch.  Because previously the US government friendly dictator Jorque Ubico didn’t even charge the company Guatemalan taxes, and the new guy was going to reform the whole deal, so bye-bye.

Ridiculous misuse of American power overthrowing a dictator who didn’t give the American company tax breaks and also purposefully giving people STD’s for study.  Pretty sick and twisted shit that you would more likely hear about Nazi Germany, not the U.S.  BUT, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton did apologize on behalf of the ones behind the experimentation… so everythings ok now.

Havent you been slammed with back to back commercials from Eharmony and the white background?  “I never thought I could find this much happiness online… blah blah blah” Ive been tempted to punch my television because of those commercials.

Online dating is every where, hell, Ive got 2 friends that married from an online date. Once the trend caught on you got the niche’ dating sites that almost make you laugh when saying the name out loud… like sugardaddy.com, and millionaire mate.  Dear god people suck.  Yet these dating sites have grown pretty prosperous, and continue to grow.  Growing to the point where there is an actual dating site called GameCrush. Well its not technically a dating site because all you do is pay to play a game with attractive women.  Im serious.  For just $ 0.60, A MINUTE, you can play attractive women at such amazing games as connect 4 or… checkers.  Someone just shoot me and end it…

Admitting to online dating 10 years ago, usually got someone to look at you with a weird face.  It might even have them warning you to meet the other person in a public place and bring a knife.  Nowadays, people can find a dating site for just about anything… Do you like women to stomp on your balls while you wear a clown costume?  Then head over to clownsmasher.com, and enjoy.  Or maybe a large Indian man to dominate you, head over to Tamacock.com. (not real websites, sicko) Times have changed and the internet has provided just about everything you need for romantic or sexual satisfaction.  Dates just a click away, or even if you cant score there you’ve got porn just about everywhere.  You may even combine the dating and boning into a site like adultfriendfinder.com, or the old ‘adult’ section on craigslist.  The adult section was canceled this month.. unfortunately for men looking to get some sex who wouldn’t normally be able to get some sex.

Ill come clean, Ive tried the online dating world and had dirty, dirty lovemaking 500+ times..  (it was with my hand, on porn sites)  When it comes to the online dating world the main premise is to create a profile about yourself from vital statistics, to favorite TV shows.  Then you upload some pictures, and either start emailing people your interested in or sit back and wait for emails.   Some sites have tried other techniques, whether its webcam dates, gameplaying dates online, or eharmonys ‘scientifically proven survey for matchmaking’.   Honestly, I think 80% of people in the future might be meeting online.  It eliminates psychos, weirdos, whores, uncomfortable pick up lines etc.

All in all I see online dating as a good thing.  It helps you avoid date rape in a bar, (most likely), you find someone you already know has similar interests, and you could get 10 dates in a week without going to the gym twice a day or be born with magical hotness genes.  There are a lot of positives, but negatives are there too.  Theres still the possibility we see an ‘Eharmony killer”, or “The Match.com rapist” because people are fucking bananas.  But when you think like that, theres a possibility of a “Bar pickup murderer” too.  When you step back and look at things its not a bad option…  What do you think?

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They hired several hot college girls to wear red sweats and a t-shirt promoting the new Double Down sandwich while they handed out coupons.

GENIUS.

Not only is the Double Down aimed almost specifically at younger guys, but college dudes who have almost no money and need all their daily calories in one cheap sandwich.  Sex sells and KFC knows it… Its perfection.

So what could possibly go wrong?  Feminists… that’s what.

The National Organization for Women is already going all PMS on KFC for doing what Hooters, Beer, and any car commercial already do… Use women to sell the product.  Apparently offering poor college chicks $500 to wear sweat pants with a logo on the ass and a logo on the shirt is just so horrible.

Lets break this down shall we?????

KFC is having them wear sweatpants… not a fucking thong bikini.  Sweatpants that look eerily similar to another brand of sweatpants girls wear any way with its trademark name on the ass… PINK anybody?  And $500 bucks!?  To pass out coupons!?!  SIGN ME UP.  Couple hours, $500 bucks… some hookers don’t even get paid that well.

Now maybe if they used their old slogan “finger lickin good”.. I could see the argument.  Not agree with it, but at least recognize your stance.

Overly feministic organizations are going bat-shit over this whole ass-vertising fiasco that college girls are doing of their own free will and yet, chicks in the middle east are forced to wear clothing from head to toe, get executed for looking at another man, and sometimes get their clitoris’ ripped out so they aren’t tempted to cheat on their husband.  Go find a real cause and shut the fuck up.

Once the completely oblivious morons who began the protests realized the alternate meaning for “teabagging”, the name magically changed and we were given ‘The Tea Party.’

In the beginning it was just people that were pissed off about the economic mess the United States has been in, and was quickly mutilated by Freedomworks (read my old article for more information).  Then ultra rightwing conservatives started jumping all over the tea party bandwagon, and it slowly evolved.  It started to encompass actual politicians and other right wing media faces like Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh.  The group was generating attention and support for their disdain of the new federal laws including the stimulus package, and health care reform bills.  Then the protests gave birth to actual tea party candidates like Christine O’Donnell, who has been prominently featured in the news since winning the Republican Party nomination in the Delaware  Senate election, oh.. and for her statements about practicing witchcraft.  Yes.  Witchcraft.  She also has old TV footage of her calling masturbation ‘adultery’.  Basically shes fucking crazy, and a religious nut job… or dumb as a stick.

In one arena, I understand why so many people are blindly jumping to the Tea Party.  Because the Tea Party is promising change when things are so shitty.  It’s the Obama effect, he promised change and bam.. got elected.  The Tea Party unfortunately has the worst possible people behind it.  The actual printed beliefs of the tea party aren’t that insane… According to the Tea Party “Contract From America”, there are 10 items that they would like any candidate seeking office to abide by…

1. Identify constitutionality of every new law
2. Reject emissions trading
3. Demand a balanced federal budget
4. Simplify the tax system
5. Audit federal government agencies for constitutionality
6. Limit annual growth in federal spending
7. Repeal the health care legislation passed on March 23, 2010
8. Pass an ‘All-of-the-Above’ Energy Policy
9. Reduce Earmarks
10. Reduce Taxes

None of these really offend me or have bizarre agendas.  So even someone slightly intelligent enough to know these may even be interested, not just the redneck / religious nut / conservative that has been going out to tea party rallies.  It doesn’t take much more time or effort to uncover that the people involved, and the politicians they want to back may have slightly biased views and agendas.

According to multiple polls from the bulk of Tea Party goers… self-described Tea Party supporters are overwhelmingly white, married, older than 45, more conservative than the general population, and likely to be more wealthy and have more education than the general population.  Boy! That sounds like the bulk of America. (whack off motion)

On top of not representing America as a whole, the protestors and faces behind the Tea Party have had multiple racial ‘issues’.  One including Dale Robertson, the founder of Teaparty.org, holding a sign that read “Congress = Slaveowner, Taxpayer = Niggar”.  Yes, im not kidding and it was even featured on the official Houston Tea Party website until it was digitally altered for obvious reasons.  Another incident occurred with Springboro Tea Party founder Sonny Thomas’ posting something a smidge insensitive on his Twitter.

“Illegals everywhere today! So many spics makes me feel like a speck. Grrr. Wheres my gun!?”.

Woopsy!  As a result of his moronic post, multiple politicians set to speak at his Springboro Tea Party rally canceled.  Then there was another incident when Tea Party Express leader Mark Williams referred to Allah as a “Monkey God”.  Yes… ‘A MONKEY GOD.”  Ouch…  Needless to say, a whole lot of Muslim leaders didn’t like that too much.

All in all, the people behind the Tea Party are not the brightest or best folks out there.  The Tea Party may want the image of change and readjustment of everything that’s wrong in the country, but they aren’t.  Right wing media faces, and political ultra conservatives are merely using it as a springboard, and that list of ten things the Tea Party want accomplished… don’t mean anything…

Do yourself a favor and don’t let the Tea Party idea seduce you, because the ideals are very interesting, but if the current Tea Party politicians get in, we might as well be putting a gun to the head of America.  We’ll have a Coca-Cola logo on the white house roof, a corporation (or soulless machine) running our country, and morons in the crippled government.

Along with these sweet possibilities, the Tea Party media coverage strategy now… is to not have any media coverage.  With beyond ridiculous comments, retarded debates, and flat out stupid explanations to anything… this might be the best move.  If you can remember back to when Mccain announced Sarah Palin as his running partner, she COMPLETELY disappeared as soon as that announcement party was over.  Where’d she go?  Into MASSIVE media-coaching sessions… The Republicans couldn’t have their face for the presidency spouting out retardation.  Yet that coaching clearly didn’t take… One clearly horrible interview with Katie Couric resulted in much less television time for her from that point on.  Yet after a few years playin the game, shes developed into a figurehead for republicans and the Tea Party.. despite being a high functioning retard.  So with the ‘don’t talk to the media’ strategy working for her, expect O’Donnell to go bye-bye for a little while.

All in all, for god sakes think for yourself when trying to be sucked in by the Tea Party/ Tea baggers.  Even if you’re a republican, vote for a regular republican.. not a Tea Party politician.  For the love of god.

Question… in a regular sit down for TV time, have you been able to go a whole session without seeing some kind of male sexual pill?  Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, Extenze etc.?  My answer is no.. that stuff is thrown at me every 5 minutes, but to no avail because my weener is in tip top shape.  Yet have you ever seen a lady sexual pill??  I haven’t, and I found out why..

For some bizarre reason a product called Zestra just cant get on regular advertising time. Zestra is an arousal oil that sends more blood flow down to the ladys nooner thus more turned on, pretty straight forward right?  Well not really because the women that created the product have money for advertising but are getting turned down everywhere.  The networks they have spoken with will only allow Zestra ads between 11 pm and 4 am. Radio stations ask for certain word removal like ‘sex’ or ‘arousal’, and WebMD straight out said NO.

So with this, I ask.. what the hell??  Im not really a female rights crusader, nor will I ever be but, if ladies want to be able to get off and theres a male equivalent advertised every two seconds then I say let them advertise it.  Male sexual enhancement is so prevalent I can almost recite the damn side effects.. Dizziness; ‘flushing’ (eww); headache; heartburn; nausea; upset stomach… toss in rectal bleeding and you’ve got a full load.  But I digress, Im just confused at why something that annoys me on a constant basis isn’t allowed a female equivalent to at least show a commercial with some hot chick rubbing oil on her vag.. now that’s hot.

So when you dig down deep obviously men are superior in all ways.. but some things are just too retarded.  Such as most insurance companies covering male sexual prescriptions but not ladies birth control.  Kind of odd.. I mean ladies can still have sex without a birth control pill or an enhancement pill and men cant have sex with a wet noodle.. but what the hell, ladies should get some fun too.

The Kinsey Institute, which is all knowing in sex, says that only about 29 percent of women ALWAYS have an orgasm with their partner.  That’s less than the odds of a damn coin flip.  When the inventor of the product, Rachel Braun-Scherl talks about her product and advertising she explains

“Every woman needs help. Women on antidepressants have low libido. Women in menopause have low libido. Women who are stressed — which is pretty much the world — have low libidos. It’s basically universal, and yet, time and time again, we came up against ‘We don’t cover your category.’”

So, something that helps women get off… making my job easier… is banned from TV during regular hours, but Im still subject to ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians’?  FUCK THIS!

So right here and now, Im advertising for Zestra!!  Ladies, go out and snag some Zestra and have yourself a good time in the sack.