Well by the title of this article, im gonna take a stab in the dark and assume your saying “What the Fuck!?.”  As do I my friend.. as do I.

Apparently there are dozens of reports going ape shit (haha, im so clever) in the Chinese media about monkeys being trained for jihad, by terrorist groups to go against US troops.  I shit you not, there are legitimate reports that monkeys are being trained to use weapons against US military troops.

The report explained, AND I QUOTE… “The militants were arming the primates with AK-47 rifles, machine guns and trench mortars in the Waziristan tribal region bordering Pakistan and Afghanistan. The monkey soldiers are being turned into snipers at a secret Taliban training base and are in turn being rewarded with ‘bananas and peanuts’.”

I realize these monkeys are being trained to kill our boys over there.. but who isn’t laughing their ass off about this right now?? Seriously.. these psycho sons of bitches are actually making sniper monkeys.  Say that shit out loud, seriously.. you laughed? Didn’t you?

These fundamentalist fuckheads make IED’s, suicide bombs, and now monkey soldiers.  I suppose paying soldiers in bananas and peanuts is less expensive than paying for enough muslim fundamentalist crap to brainwash poverty ridden folks in the middle east.  So it’s a good business maneuver, because monkeys will follow with far less brainwashing.  The US is probably working on building terminator machines to slaughter these monsters, and they are training monkeys..

Now I don’t doubt you could teach the super basic principles of shooting to a monkey, but once you teach the monkey to shoot a gun… would you want to be any where near that???  Aim cant be good.. but I guess with their belief system if they die teaching a monkey to kill the infidel, they may still go upstairs to 79 virgins.. so its WIN WIN!

The specifics of the story explain that these soldier monkeys can now operate the Kalashnikov, Bren light machine gun, and have the ability to identify and attack U.S. soldiers based on the appearance of their uniforms.  This blows my mind..  Monkeys have pretty good aim when they shit in their hand and throw it at you during a trip to the zoo, but a fucking MACHINE GUN!?  Wow.

When you dig deep into the roots of this story, its being discredited by dozens of US military sources and other online analysts, but how the hell is it spreading through Chinese media so prominently then??  I say monkeys are evolving and after they kill off the bottom of the barrel humans such as the “middle east militants” they are coming after us.  Planet of the Apes style son, and there gonna put their stinking paws all over us cause theyre damn dirty apes.