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Categorized | Mitchellanious

Tags : real zombie, real zombies, zombie ants, zombie fungus, zombie science

Holy Shit! Zombies are real!?

Posted on 18 August 2010

Alright, when I read about this I knew for years that zombies were coming… either naturally or from experimentation.  Apparently Scientists have discovered a fungus almost 50 million years old that has actually been videotaped taking over the minds and bodies of ants.  Yes.. a fungus.. takes control of minds and bodies.. much like a zombie virus.  I just shit in my pants a little bit and have decided to start hoarding shotguns and flame throwers.

The scientific name of the fungus is Ophiocordyceps unilateralis, and when observed in ants it has shown that once a chemical is released inside the body the ant will leave the colony.  ANTS DON’T LEAVE A COLONY… that’s like saying I decided to flap my wings and fly.  If anything gets in their way they’ll fight to the death… and beyond!  The fungus controls them now in life and death.  That’s zombie shit my friend!  The purpose of this particular fungus is to get the ant to a certain level in between the forest floor and high in the canopies where humidity and heat suit the fungus best.  That’s right, the fungus completely controls the ant until its death when the fungus forces its victim to lock its mandibles into a central part of a plant.  Once locked into place perfectly for the fungus it begins growing and sprouting literally right out of the ants head and body.  This sprout begins growing a pod of spores that can carry the zombie fungus across the forest floor to infect another creature.

The team of scientists was led by Harvards David Hughes and discovered what is being called the first and probably only example of behavioral manipulation.  Now that this ridiculously insane information has been found they plan to study what makes the parasitic fungus take over the brain and muscles.

Look… Call me paranoid.  But what seems like the most non-threatening thing in the world?  A plant, you say?  So if America was able to manipulate this parasite to attack humans, and then drop a box of these ‘non-threatening’ fungus plants on Al Qaeda? Yet during scientific trials something goes horribly wrong and begins infecting Everybody!?  BAM!! Mother fuckin zombie apocalypse son.  After all the movies, theories, and ‘zombie survival’ joke books… Its coming.  Zombies, Are, Coming.


This post was written by:

Mitch Higgins - who has written 101 posts on This Hot Fire.

Mitch Higgins is a published author with National Lampoon press and has over a decade of writing experience. And he has a super big penis

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8 Responses to “Holy Shit! Zombies are real!?”

  1. Ben says:
    August 18, 2010 at 2:21 PM

    Is it bad that I would be excited for this? Horrifying sure, millions of deaths maybe, but I will raid a liquor store and an armory and get hammered and shoot zombie bitches!!

  2. sara says:
    August 18, 2010 at 2:36 PM

    Omg. thats actually pretty freaky. Did they just find out about this??

  3. Paul G says:
    August 18, 2010 at 4:28 PM

    I’m gonna have to go look around and maybe look at the definition of behavioral manipulation cause I didn’t think this was the only thing out there that does this. And I seem to recall there being some sort of bacteria that humans can also get that messes with our brains as well.

  4. Paul G says:
    August 18, 2010 at 5:04 PM

    Alright did some quick research based on things I remembered coming across in the past.

    I believe this is the fungus that Mitch is discussing. It also sounds like this one only infects ants, but their are numerous different types each that infect different insect species out there.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cordyceps_unilateralis

    Theres also the horsehair/Gordian worm which causes its host to seek water so that it can drown its host and escape.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nematomorpha

    And last of all is Toxoplasma Gondii which causes rats and mice to seek out and get themselves eaten by cats so that it can reproduce within the cats body. This one has been shown to have some effect on the human mind though much milder compared to that fungus.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxoplasma_gondii

    So yea.. if the government somehow learn how to mix toxoplasma Gondii with one of those funguses. Well we could be seriously screwed. Especially since it wouldn’t be like the traditional zombies where it spreads from being bitten, it would most likely be something spread through the air at an invisibly small level.

  5. Mr. Angry Eyes! says:
    August 18, 2010 at 6:46 PM

    WERE FUCKED!

  6. sara says:
    August 18, 2010 at 8:53 PM

    Zombies scare the crap out of me!! thanks a lot Mitch!! lol. dammit!!

  7. Scottie says:
    August 18, 2010 at 11:37 PM

    go rent BBC’s planet earth (orgasmic on blu-ray). They have a clip on this fungus. If some of the infected ants dont run away before death, the other ants take it out of colony knowing its a black plague. They even play it in slow-mo so you can see it growig. It leads them to the top of a stem/twig so the fungus can thrive. like the other dude said, each fungus is ‘race’ specific so other species of bugs wont get it

  8. wes says:
    August 19, 2010 at 5:52 PM

    Crazy shit. Where you find shit like this? lol Good read.


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