So in a recent bout of insomnia I saw several sexually explicit ads and funny commercials they don’t show during normal hours and one commercial left me perturbed… ExtenZe, a weener enhancement pill, has a new spokesman. Jimmy “How bout them cowboys” Johnson. The first time I saw it I didn’t really listen because I was saying “What the fuck?” out loud, over and over again.
The second time I got to listen to the carefully crafted monologue. Its laced with subtext and a carefully crafted set of lines for ol Jimmy. Some may just take it that it has to do with a sensitive subject like penile enhancement.. but I dug deeper. The makers of good Ol ExtenZe have been nailed on false advertising claims, and unfair business practices. The product also isn’t FDA approved. So due to all these legal issues, a commercial laced with subtlety would be inevitable. They cant just say, “hey pinky peter, this wont make your willy bigger but you can at least try!” So Alas we get our late night commercial loaded with indirect proclamations.
So with this product Extenze, which sounds more like a rappers name, you get bombarded with late night commercials telling you how you need a bigger weener to get hot ladies. Just like how beer commercials show that it brings… hot ladies. Odd advertising, wouldn’t you say?
But I digress. My question is what in the hell is ex football coach Jimmy Johnson doing hawking penis pills?? He won superbowls, college championships, and still does football analysis on Fox sports so again I ask… What the hell!? Are they paying him shit tons of money to star in commercials that air after 2 am on the weekdays??
Ive included one of the few commercials here for your viewing pleasure…
So every where you go guys ask if ExtenZe really works? Really? The fact that you coached NFL football, and college champions just escapes their mind?? They just want to know about your huge ding dong? C’mon man…
Its sold billions of pills too huh?? #1 penis enhancer you say? Well Jimmy, much like the special Olympics… even if you’re the best, your still retarded.
Check this dialogue right from the source!*
*Not actually from the source, I just made it all up.
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Pharmaceutical exec: “Hey, what could we make a pill for that nobody would report if it didn’t work?”
Marketing douche: “Say, I bet a cure for a small cock would do just that!”
Pharmaceutical Exec: “That’s genius marketing douche, you’re the new VP of… hmm, what do the kids like these days? Oh yes! They love rap music… Lets call it LongDongz! Or hey, maybe penis ehance-izzle… NO, Ive got it! Lets call it Extenze! Make one of the letters in the middle capitalized, and perfect… ExtenZe!
Marketing Douche: You’re a genius sir!
Pharmaceutical exec: Indeed… We need to market it to people men with a small penis though. How about conservative, gun toting, jackasses!? They all have small penis’! Now who would appeal to them? I know, lets get ex-Cowboys football Coach Jimmy Johnson! ITS FULL PROOF!
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Slap together some subtle commercials to avoid legal trouble and BAM! Rake in the money on ever insecure microscopic penis having person alive.
Then to end the commercial, they say they will send you some pills, FOR FREE! Of course you need to pay for something like for postage, shipping and handling, and your dignity.
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAAH, aw man. Im gonna be a rapper and name myself ExtenZe. This was fucking hilarious.
Funny. fucking funny. Ill be sure to avoid purchasing these.
Almost didnt read this one, but damn Im glad I did. I needed a laugh after a shitty Monday.
If any of those pills actually worked, the company would be charging a hell of a lot more than they currently do.
Just like the lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math, long-dong pills are a tax on people with no self esteem.
Jeez. Poor guys, you worry about your weener, while girls worry about every microscopic things every time we go out. lol. Really funny article tho Mitch, very funny.
Oh Mitch, silly boy. Dont lie, you were looking up penis enhancement online and stumbled across all this didnt you? Its ok sweetie. lmao! Jk, I definitely had a good laugh at this one.
Hilarious! Love it. Love the Martha Stewart pic. Nice touch. You always make me laugh! (and BTW, it’s FOOL PROOF)
Ditto with Cyndi
That dialogue between Pharmaceutical guy and douche was fucking great. Your a genius of einstein proportions. Ive seen these commericals too, but I always remember the guy who couldnt stop smiling. Cant remember what it was called though. Them drug companies be bad for us dumb folk. Uh Yuk.
Thats it, im ordering it and when it doesnt work im suing them for everything theyre worth. Even if my picture is all over the place for buying penis pills Ill still be rich, and I wont care about a tiny penis. I mean, I dont need the pills. I just want money. Really. REALLY!
I laughed until I cried … Another home run rant by the master of baters. Great article and super funny pics. Almost as funny as chipshot.com comercial ha ha
OMG this was funny! SOO funny Mitch lol. Im glad I read, really cheered me up, and made my cheeks hurt.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
God dammit Im glad I came back to read this stuff. This was enough laughter to make me shit my pants. I almost tasted blood on this one.
Don’t lie, you know you use it.
HOW DARE YOU! I do not use any such product. Unless you mean buying the new rapper “ExtenZe” album…
Oh Mitch, silly boy. Dont lie, you were looking up penis enhancement online and stumbled across all this didnt you? Its ok sweetie. lmao! Jk, I definitely had a good laugh at this one.
It is astonishing how you have the chance to reach out to all sides of readers. Great to know that you are open minded and respect all. We need more bloggers like you.
Excellent stuff.
If any of those pills actually worked, the company would be charging a hell of a lot more than they currently do.
Dont lie, you were looking up penis enhancement online and stumbled across all this didnt you? Its ok sweetie. lmao! Jk, I definitely had a good laugh at this one.
Hey not to go off topic but can anyone give me overview of. New York Car Insurance Reform 295 Greenwich St, New York, NY 10007 (646) 351-0824 They’re just down the block with me. I was wondering if they were a good insurance company. I need to get coverage, it is regulations you know, but I need to have a good price price plus I’d prefer friendly service.