X-men origins: Wolverine
Where do I start? Well how about with thoughts going into the movie… The majority will either be die hard comic book nerds ready for the origins of one of the most beloved comic book characters, or as some one who loves the die hard, blockbuster, CGI filled, summer movies or even a minority… like a chick being dragged with her boyfriend. No matter how you go in, you are going to leave disappointed.
For the die hard comic book fellas, you’d love to see all the wars he fought in since the late 1800′s and how he came to be the badass/charge into anything/animal he is. Unfortunately they encompass ALL of this within 2 minutes as the beginning credits roll. I wanted to spit in my own popcorn in disgust. I understand its gotta be cut down to allow as many play through’s during the day for movie theatre income, but god dammit this was supposed to be an awesome movie and it starts with a quick metal pipe up the ass for both the comic book fan and action movie buff. You make enough god damn money in 10 dollar tickets and 15 dollar popcorn meal deals. You BEG people to pirate these fucking movies.
The movie sacrifices a good story, involving plot, and comic book loyalty… in order to bring in as many secondary characters and cameos possible. Nobody gives a SHIT about Cyclops! Im sorry, he was the leader of the X-men blah blah blah… the only good thing he contributed was witty banter with wolverine, whom he never even comes in contact with in the film. Gambit is cool, Blob and Deadpool are cool too especially in Wolverine mythology, but this wolverine movie tries so damn hard and busts out with the most cliché’ scene in film history… when a character screams into the sky “NOOOOOOO!” after some horrible realization or event. I laughed openly while sitting in the theatre, not when they did it the first time, not even the second time… but the third time I wanted to throw something at the screen.
Wolverine tries to remain action packed yet every fight scene is so lame and unoriginal. Everyone wanted the bad ass fight between Sabretooth and Wolverine but you don’t even get a hand jobs worth of relief. You get two short exchanges I could have choreographed better with me and a fucking blow up doll. Deadpool and Gambit, hardly get any screen time and don’t get developed at all. It may be a Wolverine movie, but theres a lot that contributed to his back story. Say what you want about Ryan Reynolds, but that guy was born to play deadpool and there could have been a lot more involvement from him.
If I sound angry and one sided, your probably right. I wanted a lot more from this movie, but I will say one good thing for the movie, the acting was great. Even when given shitty dialogue and a horrible story Hugh Jackman and Liev Shrieber are great actors and did the best they could, my hats off to them.
X men origins: Wolverine seems like a rushed and slammed together production that just makes you frown with the lost chance at an awesome movie. Lots of people didn’t expect much and the buzz was all about how it would be crappy but I didn’t. I held on to a hope that the dark knight and iron man were turning around the overly smashed together style of Spider Man 3, but I was wrong.
Very disappointing.
May 1st, 2009 at 4:31 PM
i <3 gambit
May 1st, 2009 at 4:32 PM
Fuck you… and fuck gambit.
May 1st, 2009 at 4:55 PM
i <3 ryan reynolds.. scarlett is one lucky bitch..
May 1st, 2009 at 5:19 PM
An Idea:
A cameo done right is a beautiful thing. In World War II, Wolverine and Steve Rogers (Captain America, but replaced in this movie by Sabertooth for valid reasons) break into a Nazi prison camp and rescue loads of people from the Nazis. At one point during the escape several gernades are thrown at Wolverine, who has thrown a child over his shoulder; the kid sees the gernades and, with a quick swat of the wrist, throws the gernades in a safe direction. Wolverine, unaware, continues on. If that was snuck into the opening flashes of the movie then it would have been LOADS better because we see that Wolverine is not alone. The film dudes had the right idea with the credits clips, with closure of sorts, but the wrong story element. I DONT GIVE A FUCK IF STRYKER IS WANTED FOR QUESTIONING.
An ANGRY NERD:
I can’t say anything here just because the only thing that this movie held true was the names. Ok now I can say shit! WHAT THE CORNHOLING WAS UP WITH EVERYONE BEING ABLE TO DO MORE THAN THEY REALLY CAN!? Wolverine may be bullet proof but his organs are still susceptible to shock. A bullet to the skull still knocks him out. INSTEAD WE HAVE A SUPERMAN! Oh and by the way, did anyone else giggle in disgust as Ma and Pa Kent discovered Wolverine? Deadpool, badass with a mouth became a no ass without a mouth! DEADPOOL IS NOT WEAPON XI! And the whole Lightsaber with bullets scene (although looked cool) was very simple and not quite accurate of his skills. So what was his power in the beginning? Who was this Zero guy and what could he do? All this crap jammed in our faces. Blob, funny to see, BUT TOTALLY FUCKING POINTLESS! HEY LETS BOX FATASS! OK! Cyclops, the damage his optic energy caused was pretty fucking sweet. Everyone else, GET OUT OF THE WAY!!! And we come to Gambit…the only reason I saw this movie in theaters instead of bootleg 2 weeks later. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU ALL! ACCENT HELLO? SINCE WHEN COULD HE TELEPATHICALLY CONTROL CARDS?! and I guess an adamantium elbow to the face gives you superspeed and THE ABILITY TO FUCKING FLY WITH A STAFF! WOOO LOOK OUT FOR HELICOPTER GAMBIT! OMG NOW HE LOVES WOLVERINE! LEMME BE YOUR SLAVE, MASTER! The only good thing about Gambit is that they got his ability right with the whole transfer of kinetic energy and not explosions.
WOLVERINE DIDNT GET UBER PISSED! NO RAGE!
A dissapointed film student:
This movie was so amaturely done that I think I could have done better. OMG! Christopher Nolan has made one of the greatest movies this side of the century, NOW LETS GET SOME OTHER FUCKS WHO HAVE NO COMIC MOVIE EXPERIENCE AND SLAP THEM AT THE HELM! I swear to crap that this movie had more fucking stupid epic moments than a SciFi original presentation. Wolverine walks away from an explosion! Wolverine walks into the sunset! Wolverine screams into the sky! FUCK YOU! Any scene that is meant to make my body tingle with awe makes me vomit in anger! The camera felt like it cut out or broke or the director would skip 3 frames because they took up too much time. The ramping sucked!
Ok, one thing I am willing to concede on is that you can’t really throw in an ultra comic book origin with EVERYONE so it has to be redone so everyone can understand it.
Everything else:
As a whole this movie was flawed and mildly entertaining. But so many plot holes and character holes rittled this movie. Wolverine would suddenly be super pissed then walk away. Creed was a wimp as always, atleast portrayed properly. The fight scenes were awefull! Despite this movie being an action movie there was little action. THE WHOLE FUCKING PREMISE OF THIS MOVIE, WOLVERINE VS. SABERTOOTH WAS WASTED ON! Wolverine becomes Superman and hence Sabertooth can’t take him on anymore. BORING! Make the claw guy a little stronger then. Oh did anyone notice Sabertooth’s sole obviously notable power, extending his claws, was the same was Meg Griffin? Way to go Family Guy, you made fun of a movie years before it came out! Ouch! The really hurt! Why did you scratch me? Is it bleeding? No, but ouch!
WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE SFX! How can you have something as cool looking as Cyclops taking the roof off a school then have fake ass claws cut a sink in half?! Gambit splits the earth and Wolverine looks like a cartoon as he falls into water. Victor wants to kill Wolverine THEN RUNS THE FUCK AWAY AT THE END OF THE MOVIE! ADAMANTIUM BULLETS!? WHAT THE FUCK!!!! FUCKK!!!! FUUUUUUCCKKK!!! Oops we forgot to wipe his memory at some point in the movie so lets just get a silver bullet! FUUUUUCKK!!! Brains heal but memories dont with Wolverine. It’s science. I have a fucking degree in memory science with Wolverine. FUUUUCKKK!!!! Oh hey! Let’s give make this guy Superman THEN WIPE HIS FUCKING MIND OUT… Idiots. Its like the fucking villain monologing while he has the hero at the end of his gun. then the hero escapes thanks to shark repellent spray. FUCKING IDIOTS! I tell you what, if you shoot me in the FUCKING HEAD with an adamantium bullet and I can no longer remember the FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT MOVIE then I will give you guys an academy award for being brilliant. Ofcourse I will also probably kill you for coming to close and trying to take my academy award which I won when I killed Topher Grace for playing Venom. Weapon XI….sigh….FUUUUUCCKKKK!!!!! OH LOOK! I JUST FUCKING STABBED A GUY IN THE CHEST WITH MY SHINEY CLAWS AND HE DIDNT BLEED ON THEM! THAT WAS NICE OF HIM! Ugh…I’ll say more in later comments. I don’t even want to proofread this because ill get pissed again.
There is so much more I want to say but the anger in me has left me drained… On a scale of 1 to 10 I give this movie a F!
May 1st, 2009 at 5:22 PM
How about another idea. Wolverine gets BLOODY FUCKING REVENGE and is so ashamed that he wants his memory wiped. A brief look into the soul of a destroyed animal. Wow! I just made a comment better than YOUR ENTIRE FUCKING MOVIE!!!!
May 1st, 2009 at 5:24 PM
wow…
wow james.. .wow…
May 1st, 2009 at 6:45 PM
You’re all flaming homos. Love gay men.
May 1st, 2009 at 7:33 PM
Jesus james… your comment was longer than the article. You have a lot of hate my friend.
See a doctor about that.
May 1st, 2009 at 7:51 PM
Good article. I just got out awhile ago from the movie, because i wasnt going to the midnight show with a bunch of fanboy doucher’s.
As much as it hurts to say a wolverine movie sucked, this did. I think Hugh Jackman is bad ass as Wolverine, hes got the character solid but this movie came waaaaaaaaay short. So much more could have been done, and so much that was done could have been done better.
If they do a sequel, hopefully its with the saga in Japan from the comics… it’d be hard to screw that up.
May 1st, 2009 at 7:53 PM
HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!?!?!?!?!
Im still going to see it, no matter what you guys say! How could it be this bad!??!!?
May 1st, 2009 at 8:37 PM
Sean…I hate to bring up the past but….Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Bull(shit)… they raped him!!! INDIE NOOOO!!!!
May 1st, 2009 at 9:30 PM
im leaving right now for 10:15 showing. IT will be good.
May 1st, 2009 at 10:33 PM
Simple yet cool website you got here…
As soon as i heard this movie would be made I knew it was an attempt to make more money off the x men franchise, and since X3 sucked they went this route. With prequels of characters. They need less main characters, less secondary characters, and to focus as much as they can on a main guy and a main bad guy. Have supporting characters, but not weak cameo appearances that dont contribute anything to the movie. They will never take this approach because they want to slam together a moneymaker as fast as possible and compact it and get it in theatres. Its sad.
May 1st, 2009 at 10:39 PM
I should have shown this to my boyfriend before we saw this last night. My bf made me go see this AT MIDNIGHT last night. Ugggh. WTF. Why do boys have to go to nerdy movies at midnight the night before?? It will come out the next day sweety!
All he could say was how disappointed he was, but omg, Hugh Jackman was naked. yay!! I made sure to explain how hot that was to my bf multiple times before we went to sleep afterwards. Maybe he will bring another friend to a midnight movie next time. Hugh Jackman! SO HOT!
May 1st, 2009 at 11:47 PM
nerds are 4 life girl. bottom line, listen to your man.
May 2nd, 2009 at 12:24 AM
we rule the world! They just don’t know it. Call out Hugh’s name in bed one night and you’ll never have to worry about going to a midnight showing again…or probably anything else for that matter. Sean I demand an update. Or have you killed yourself already?
May 2nd, 2009 at 12:42 AM
probably not killed, but more like … ended
May 2nd, 2009 at 12:51 AM
Kevin, I think this is the start of a beautiful relationship! Sean ended himself because Wolverine depressed him so much! Jimmy Kimmel’s mexican friend Wolberine was more entertaining to watch! Nothing beats a mexican guy with knives taped to his hands.
May 2nd, 2009 at 1:24 AM
was it ozzie?
May 2nd, 2009 at 1:27 AM
dunno, but it was funny
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:57 AM
yea, just saw the movie last night in spanish and it wasnt any better than when i saw it in english…. i dont know if that helps at all
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:22 AM
This movie wasn’t worth the CD i burned it on.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:38 AM
I’m determined to spend the bandwidth on this movie. All you losers who paid 11 dollars to see it can suck my fios pipe.
May 2nd, 2009 at 9:12 AM
They couldn’t put Wolverine’s involvement with the war without bringing captain America into the mix way too big of a character to waste on 3 min of Dialoge second the only gay things about this movie was the watch my back fights between wolverine and sabertooth and how the could fuck up Deadpool so bad (when you could tell it was ryan renolds he was Wade Wilson) Deapool was the Monstroicity with like 15 powers!!!!!
May 2nd, 2009 at 12:28 PM
I hate hollywood.
May 2nd, 2009 at 12:31 PM
Hollywood
“i hate you to jake”
May 10th, 2009 at 9:17 PM
Just wanted to toss this in here from the Comingsoon.net box office report:
“The 20th Century Fox superhero prequel X-Men Origins: Wolverine, starring Hugh Jackman, took a massive plunge in its second weekend, down 68% to second place with $27 million and a ten-day total of $129.6 million. ”
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
FUCK YOU WOLVERING MOTHERFUCKER I HATE YOU FUCKING BITCH!
Slicing up a fire escape in fast forward like motion and turning it into air… Wolverine can destroy matter with his claws…didnt you know? FUCK YOU FOR NOT KNOWING
April 22nd, 2010 at 12:44 PM
wolverine + gambit + ryan reynolds = hot man orgy = awesome movie = get the fuck over it James
April 22nd, 2010 at 5:09 PM
aTOWN is a homo.
This message, brought to you by Captain obvious.
April 23rd, 2010 at 6:05 PM
nice late comment aTOWN. Youre embarrassed! LOL
I dont even remember writing that long ass comment. I tried to read it again but it was TLDR! what was I thinking? Either way, that movie sucked mung!