The biggest douchebags ever

For those unfamiliar with the exact defenition of a douchebag, heres the dictionary explanation: A small syringe with detachable nozzles; used for vaginal lavage and enemas.

Ew.

In this articles case a douchebag is actually pertaining to “an excessively self-obsessed person, usually male” or I actually got this directly from the urban dictionary “A douchebag usually assumes the form of a hair-gelling pretty-boy but can also be described as an overzealous, pompous, or vexatious asshole that most people wish were killed with a Mortal Kombat fatality.” That fit pretty well.

1. Bill O reilly
Whether hes contantly lying or making a scene to boost ratings, Bill O reilly is human trash.  When I think of a douchebag, its usually a younger guy wearing flip flops with socks who hasn’t showered or shaved for a couple days, but in O Reillys case Ill make an exception.  This old man is the embodiment of hippocritical conservative fuckfaces.  You couldn’t have a legitimate debate or conversation with this asshole to save your life, and if you tried he’d raise his voice to cover up anything you said, or lie, or talk out of his ass because hes an ignorant piece of shit. I could randomly take ONE show of his and point out a dozen bold face lies, him being full of shit, and moronic statements that just make me roll my eyes and mutter douchebag.

2. Criss Angel
This fruity, emo looking, tool as been prancing about doing crazy camera work and using planted participants for far too long.  You only need to hear the guy talk on his show for one minute flat before you involuntarily call him a douche bag.  Heres a little video clip on the egomaniac fruitcake.

3. Spencer Pratt
I have yet to watch an entire episode of The Hills, because ive got this crazy thing called a brain that makes me NOT watch the hills.  But even without it Im still exposed to douchebag extraordinaire Spencer Pratt.  Whether monkey boy is either running off to get married to retarded wife Heidi Montag, or spouting out bullshit to get paparazzi attention, you cant escape him.  He’s like the poster boy for douchebags.
Heres 5 seconds of him.  All you need to make your assumptions.

4. Tyra Banks
The only female on the list, and well deserved. In all honesty I liked Tyra Banks when she just posed in a little bit of clothing and never opened her mouth, that was good times.  But now, I turn on my tv and shes blabbering on and on with her own talk show or on the reality show with models (I wont call it by name, cause she doesn’t deserve the plug) She has the need to relate everything to herself when shit HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER… or she spouts off like a retard who just read 2 sentences on a subject, and she basically needs to be punched in the face.

5. Dane Cook
I wont fuck with you here, I listened to some of Dane Cook at some points in life and I did in fact find it funny at times.  Yet after enough of his schtick, it gets a little old and makes me realize this douchebag is catering to every fuckhead, buy-my-friends frat boy, in the country.  When I heard some moron chick or dipshit frat boy quote a line from his stand up for the 1,000th time, I lost it.  Fuck this guy.  His movies suck so fucking bad I want to shoot myself as not to see another trailer, and jesus are you REALLY special for having him as your friend on myspace? Really? This untalented pretty boy can go ahead and scream, yell, and go spastic on stage to impress retarded females and a truckload of preppy frat boys til the end of time for all I care, but for Christ sakes if your going to steal jokes don’t slightly alter them to be unfunny, just blatantly steal them.  Eat shit Dane Cook.

6. Scientologists
Everybody has a way to cope with life and get answers to big questions, but even a satan worshiper isn’t as secretive and pathetic as the church of scientology.

L Ron Hubbards ideas and “religion” are a great way to make money and gain power over a person.  These are actual quotes from ol’ L Ron: “Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous.  If a man really wants to make a million dollars the best way would be to start his own religion” OR “Make money. Make more money. Make others produce so as to make money… However you get them in or why, just do it.”

Most people who have seen the famous south park episode or other bits of shit floating around the internet know about the science fiction content of Scientology.  But even someone desperately seeking answers wont believe the psychotic bullshit made up here.  So after YEARS of brainwashing, “auditing”,  they reach the state they call “Clear”, meaning freed from the aberrations of the mind.  On the advanced levels above the state of “Clear” they encounter the story of Xenu. So heres the story: Xenu was supposed to have gathered up all the overpopulation in this sector of the galaxy, brought them to Earth and then exterminated them using hydrogen bombs and a volcano. The souls of these murdered people are then supposed to infest the body of everyone. They are called “body thetans”. On the advanced levels of Scientology a person “audits out” these body thetans telepathically by getting them to re-experience being exterminated by hydrogen bombs.

Wow.

7. Steven A Smith
Not really a house hold name but for anyone who tunes into ESPN every now and then recognizes him, and probably changes the fucking channel. It’s a little rare for a black guy to be a douche bag, usually its just whitey, but every time he speaks I want to punch him in the face.  Everything is about race with him. Player gets arrested?  It’s because he was black.  Coach cant get hired?  It’s because he was black. Economy is suffering?  It’s because it is black.  Hes a smug condescending prick that got fired from his day job writing for a newspaper because he blows.  Steven A Smith… Douchebag.

8. Ryan Seacrest
The man had a purse party. A god damn purse party.  Hes more fashion saavy then every woman I know, and has achieved fame by being a douchebag.  Very douchebaggy.

9. Hayden Christensen
Whether hes destroying my beloved star wars, or talking in his whiney and nasaly voice this guy is a walking-talking douchebag.  Some have taken to calling him Mannequin Skywalker for his god awful acting in the Star wars films, or simply referring to him as the douchebag from the star wars prequels.
“Hayden Christensen defies the laws of physics by sucking and blowing at the same time.”
This is a little long, but theres an abundance of him being a douchebag.

10. Tom Cruise
Please see “Scientology” above.

Honorable mention:  George W Bush