Polar bear attack!

Holy shit! So I just watched this amazing video, involving a woman, a polar bear, and a zoo.  You can clearly imagine what took place I’m sure…

Just in case, here’s the video!

Alright, so let’s start with this, why the fuck was this woman in the polar bear “sanctuary”?  Apparently this woman makes a conscious decision to leap into the Polar Bears hideaway.  What the fuck were you thinking?  Did you think “they look so cuddly” witnesses say she actually at first swam towards the polar bears? Again I ask what the fuck?  Her train of thought must have been “OK… I jumped in… Bad move Susie, but it’s not as bad as that night with brad right? Hah, yeah brad sure was a queer, man was his dick small… but it’s ok you can get yourself outta this… lets just swim towards the bears in a compassionate act of kindness they will have to understand we mean them no harm… oh god, oh god, they look mean, swim back, swim back.. Oh Jesus”

So, at this point people watching this dumb whore try to help her out by throwing her a rope and trying to distract the bears. This my friends is where comedy ensues.  The polar Bears are gaining on this idiot, she’s grabbing onto this rope for dear life, and just as it looks like she’s about to make it out of this self made situation the stupid whore starts flailing her arms like seizure victim, and of course, falls.  Genius.

So now the bears are like… “Hey Hank, look at this! She fell!”  “Holy shit Bill! You’ve got to be fucking me! I’m going to eat her leg, watch this!” and then the woman grabs hold of the same rope that just seconds before she let go of, the people start to drag her up again, this time with the bear attached to her leg… amazing.

Cut too, the news reporter interviewing a little 10 year old kid that looks strikingly similar to harry potter.  I now realize why this is all happening, because this is in Germany.  So, apparently 10 year old Aaron Wiethoff is some kind of polar bear eating people expert, which in Germany is spelled Zoobesucher.  So little Aaron Potter gives what I can only imagine is his point of view of this horrifically funny situation.  Then we cut to a 74 year old woman who looks EXACTLY like my grandmother!!  Her name is Irmhilt Seemann … yes… Seemann… I swear to god… who them gives her testimony about this amazing scene!

Cut back to the video of the woman being dragged out of the polar bear homestead.  They finally manage to drag her huge ass out of the water all the while the polar bears laughing their polar bear asses off. Greatest video I’ve seen in a long time. The only question I have is this, if you were trapped in a water environment with one of the deadliest predators known to man, and someone threw you a rope, wouldn’t you hold on like your life depended on it? Because it did?  This stupid woman just half-assed her escape, and then flailed around like wet fucking fish caught on a fishing line.  Hold still, get dragged out, give an interview, become famous for 15 minutes, and then get shit on in some sort of German porno.

That’s why I am smarter than everyone in Germany, period.