Apparently bong rips don’t help with the backstroke… At his first race since being suspended due to the “whacky tobacky”, Michael Phelps lost in the backstroke event Saturday.
After being out for those 3 months this was his first loss in almost exactly a year to American, Aaron Peirsol, who coincidently was the guy that beat him a year ago. So with that loss, a crazy swimming rivalry is heating up. OOOOOO Swimmers. SCARY… actually the bulge is quite frightening.
Analysts at the event said his ass was toast at the turn when he was behind by 0.62. (which is a lot in swimming, I guess) Obviously he was the star attraction after absolute ass-raping domination at the Beijiing Olympics, and those sweet Rosetta Stone commercials, but believe it or not a 17-year-old high schooler, Dagny Knutson, won more events in Charlotte. Crazyness, but she is a female so that downplays any physical abilities.. sorry sweety.
Phelps didn’t even swim the backstroke in Beijing, due to “not fitting into the schedule”. My ass! Its supermans kryptonite. But the guy is such a Manimal, yes, “Manimal”… Im sure he’ll be dominating that event shortly.
Don’t believe me? Well, then your stupid… and take a look at this regular diet by Mikey on 6 out of 7 days of the week when he trains for 6 hours a day.
Breakfast
- Three fried egg sandwiches with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions, and mayo
- One five-egg omelet
- A bowl of grits
- Three slices of French toast with powdered sugar
- Three chocolate chip pancakes
- Two cups of coffee
Lunch
- 1,000 calories of energy drinks
- One POUND of pasta with tomato sauce
- Two large ham and cheese sandwiches (with mayo) on white bread.
Din-Din
- 1,000 calories of energy drinks
- A full size pizza
- Another POUND of pasta with tomato sauce
That diet in itself could be the actual definition of “Manimal”. Unfuckinbelievable. They say his diet comes out to about 12,000 calories while hes training, and some professional dieticians say a human being could die eating this much if not doing intense training. Wow. I say a stoner could do it on 4-20, haha maybe Phelps takes a couple bong rips before practice… I mean who the hell can s
wim for 6 HOURS, every day and remain entertained. A really high guy, that’s who. I don’t criticize Phelps for smoking some green dizzy, as a matter of fact I don’t criticize ANY athlete for smoking weed. Its stupid. It’s the opposite of a performance enhancing drug… just keep your eyes on the guys injecting raw steroids into their asses and leave the pot smoking athletes alone. If they can go to town on the bubbler and then win 8 gold medals, then they are even more fucking amazing to me.
All in all I don’t think Phelps never should have been suspended. Hes an American hero, and he smokes pot. EAT THAT GOVERNMENT AUTHORITY! I do believe any man that can win 8 gold medals at one Olympics is a freak, and should be able to eat and smoke all he wants. He may look like a Neanderthal but, hes a physical specimin the likes we’ve never seen so to hear about this loss is very bizarre. Yet my money is on him turning it around and handling the backstroke like a champ.
May 17th, 2009 at 11:44 AM
Mitch just used the expression “the bulge is quite frightening” in an article about swimming.
Queer.
May 17th, 2009 at 12:45 PM
DUDE! I couldnt eat that in a week!! pizza does sound good right now though. PIZZA IT IS.
May 17th, 2009 at 12:59 PM
Hahahahaha. “He may look like a Neanderthal but….” I didnt even need to finish the sentance. That was great.
May 17th, 2009 at 1:13 PM
I think I may refer to myself as a Manimal now. Perfect word.
As for a swimming “rivalry”. Give me a BREAK. Swimmings not even on tv unless its the olympics. That is some boring shit. My younger brother swam and I was forced to go to swim meets as a kid and Id rather cut off my left nut then go to another one.
May 17th, 2009 at 1:18 PM
God damn you blibbity…
that was the joke.
Fag
May 17th, 2009 at 2:03 PM
You neglect to mention he won both races friday…
May 17th, 2009 at 2:23 PM
oh… i get it now.
haha…. good one.
you like men.
May 17th, 2009 at 3:22 PM
Is blibbity on to something mitch? Are you a meat gazer? Peter puffer? Weener sniffer?
May 17th, 2009 at 5:01 PM
Michael Phelps is not a NEADERTHAL! He may eat like one but hes got the hottest body ever!! lol.
May 17th, 2009 at 5:37 PM
easy nancy… hey mitch, i didn’t realize the girl from that at&t commercial follows your blog.
May 17th, 2009 at 5:45 PM
Yo man, why hate on an american hero? So he lost one race. He won two the same night!
Its cool tho man, he did go on and on about how he wanted to be a role model for kids and then gets a pic taken with him smoking dank, so whatev. Nice website.
May 17th, 2009 at 7:00 PM
Mitch, I know youve got a MIchael Phelps poster on your wall.. So why the big facade? Just come clean and let out the fact you love the Phelps and want some speedo buldge in your mouth.
Haha, just fuckin with ya man. I love this site I chech this shit out all the time. Always something to check out.
May 17th, 2009 at 9:13 PM
see below
May 17th, 2009 at 9:14 PM
Mark Spitz would make mince meat out of Michael “Bong Sucker” Phelps. Spitz was so great he didnt have to shave his hair, mustache, arm pits or any other non aquadynamic body hair to kick everyones ass. Plus Mark Spitz would have been much better eye candy for Mitch.
Late
JB Pops.
May 18th, 2009 at 8:52 AM
Spitz was like a walking 70′s porn star cliche’.
however, he was amazing, chest hair and all.
May 18th, 2009 at 8:55 AM
You got me…you are correct, he looked like a skinny Ron “The Hedgehog” Jeremy.
May 18th, 2009 at 10:21 AM
Hahahaah, the hedgehog?? badass nickname
I could eat the Phelps diet with one arm tied behind my back. Seriously, i could do it, ALL NIGHT LONG, even with being hindered by having my arm tied behind my back.
May 18th, 2009 at 1:02 PM
Compare:
Mark Spitz 200 Free – 1:52:78 100 Fly – 54.27 200 Fly 2:00.70
Michael Phelps 100 free – .47.52 200 free – 1:42.96 100 Fly – 50.58 200 Fly 1:52.03
im sorry but you dont shave off 10 seconds by shaving down or even in the LZR’s they were using this year in the Olympics. I have been competitively swimming my entire life and can conclusively say that Michael Phelps has the best stroke, swim style, and technique of any swimmer I have ever seen race, sorry Jack =/
And mitch we all know u love the man meat, in the words of south park “god damnit, just come out of the closet!”
May 18th, 2009 at 1:20 PM
DAMN YOU MIKE!! Screw you and your whole life of swimming!!
I believe the reference to Spitz was more of a joke mikey.. and GOD DAMN YOU!! there is no gayness in the house! This is a house of straight love, between a man and a woman.. and sometimes Donkeys..
May 18th, 2009 at 2:22 PM
hah, mike said
“Michael Phelps has the best stroke, swim style, and technique of any swimmer ”
yeah, i bet you like Phelps stroke.
May 19th, 2009 at 5:56 PM
Hey I swam for 4-5 hours a day and didn’t get bored of it
Of course, I didn’t eat like an obsessive bulimic though.
May 23rd, 2009 at 7:43 PM
Agreed. I think we should give Phelps 5 more medals just for smoking weed and eating that much. Fuck if we legalize weed, he could endorse my weed business. He could have his own line of weed especially grown to induce crazy munchies where you can eat that much daily. Fuck you’ll really die, but you’ll be like Michael Phelps. Nice closing statement you fucking homo. I BET you personally knows Phelps handles the backstroke like a champ. Last time you tried to give him a backstroke he made you tap in submission.
Marissa if you swim 4-5 hours a day and don’t get bored of it, you’re smoking weed. Buy weed from me.